Adopted Families

Sunday, May 13, three people from Iraq, who have been living as refugees in Lebanon, landed in the Toronto airport.  Members of our Refugee Committee at St. Paul’s in Oakville were there to greet them and welcome them to their new home.  We hope they felt warmly welcomed, but they will feel overwhelmed for a while.  The customs in Iraq and Lebanon are very different from Canada.  They don’t speak English.  Luckily, they do have family here in Oakville, but it’s going to take some time to adjust to this new environment.  In the meantime, we need to remember that it’s not about us, it’s not about what we think would make us happy or content, it’s not about the work we have done to bring them here.  We  need to listen, have patience, and be open minded.

  

One of the 2018 movies suggested on which I was asked to preach was Paddington II.  Now, unfortunately, I couldn’t find this movie available anywhere so I decided to watch the first Paddington.  In this movie, Paddington has to leave his home because of a natural disaster.  He is encouraged to go to London, a place where long ago, children were shipped off to strangers because of the danger in their home.  Paddington was told that the people of London would remember this and would know how to welcome a stranger to their city.  Unfortunately, he did not receive the warmest of welcomes.  

We heard today from the Torah, the sacred five books of the Hebrew scripture, “When an alien resides with you in your land, you shall not oppress the alien. The alien who resides with you shall be to you as the citizen among you; you shall love the alien as yourself.” 

When the church settled me and my family in Stoughton, Saskatchewan, it wasn’t a different country with a different language, but it was very different from our past experiences.  We were far from home and far from family.  We met someone there named Joanne.  She had two adult sons and no grandchildren and she was the type of person who really needed grandchildren.  She was so sweet and so had much love to share.  She embraced our two young boys.  She always chatted with them, remembered their birthdays, and took a real interest in their lives.  She had the whole family over for holidays.  She became the boys’ Stoughton Grandma.

Saskatchewan tended to be one of those places where there was always a lack of ministers, so many new ministers were settled there.  Like us, many were isolated and far away from family.  Two, who were serving in churches nearby, were Nick, a married man from BC, whose wife had stayed in BC, and Cordelia, from Ontario, a single, young woman.  We met at our regional church gathering and we quickly became friends. We began to invite them over to our place for Thanksgiving and Easter.  They became a part of our extended family in Saskatchewan.

Sometimes families are not related by blood; instead they are created by necessity.  There was a documentary that came out last

year on Fred Rogers and his show, Mr. Roger’s Neighorhood.  He was someone that touched the lives of many including those people who were on his show.  In this documentary, many expressed his influence on them, including one man who saw him as a surrogate father.

A scribe, listening to Jesus and his followers in conversation, asked the following, “Which commandment is the first of all?” Jesus answered, “The first is, ‘Hear, O Israel: the Lord our God, the Lord is one; you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength.’ The second is this, ‘You shall love your neighbour as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.” 

The alien.  The neighbour.  Love them as we love ourselves.  A tall order.  Loving ourselves is the first order of business, and we all know that isn’t easy to do.  Some of us have to work harder than others because of negative messages we’ve received throughout out lives,  but if we don’t first love ourselves, it’s difficult to love others well.  

Inviting people to be a part of our lives and a part of the lives of our families can be risky.  We risk being hurt.  We risk our families being hurt.  We make ourselves vulnerable.  This risk though can also bring the richest of rewards, as we’ve heard in the stories we’ve shared.  When we are open to the love of another, especially one who needs our love, our families benefit and the love within our families grows.  

May we always feel a part of a family, loved for who we are and who we are becoming and may we always offer that love to others who long to belong and be a part of a loving family.  May it be so.  Amen.

Strong and Mighty

There once was a girl, born in an ordinary town, born to ordinary parents, with ordinary siblings.  There was nothing really exceptional about this girl, or maybe I should say, she was as exceptional as any other child.  Her family had secrets, like most families.  Her family had their struggles, like most families.  

And like most girls this girl was limited.  She was told she could be or do anything she wanted, but her world didn’t often work like that was true.  She wasn’t encouraged to play sports and in fact, it was her brothers that were given sports equipment.  She was usually given dolls or dresses.  When help was needed around the house, it was her that was asked, not her brothers.  When a babysitter was needed, she was asked.  Her brothers weren’t bothered.  Her brothers were more likely to be asked to put together a shelf, or do yard work, or heavy lifting.  When relatives came to visit, she would be told how pretty she was, asked if her hair was different or if she had a boyfriend, while her brothers were told how smart they were, how strong they’ve become, and what activities were keeping them busy.

So although this girl was told that she could be anything she wanted, what she saw was very different, especially in the movies or on television.  Men were the superheroes.  Men saved the day.  If a female was in a leading role, she was usually a wife or mother, or defined in some way by the man to whom she was attached.  Women were rarely seen as independent and unattached from a man and were usually preoccupied with this man, with her looks, and with achieving success in home and family.

This girl, like most girls, had to work extra hard to be seen as anything other than beautiful, anything other than wife or mother, as anything other than a nurturer and a supporting role.  

Now this girl is grown up.  She is a woman, a woman preoccupied with her looks, always worried about her hair, her clothes, her weight.  She often will defer to a man’s wisdom and logic and question her own.  This woman often struggles to fit into what has been perceived as a woman’s role, someone who is more docile, more emotional, to be the nurturer and caregiver, to always be understanding and to not assert herself.

I wonder how many of you can relate to this girl, this woman.  I wonder how many might relate to a story of a boy or man who was discouraged from being emotional, not allowed to play with dolls, advised against wearing clothes that were too feminine, and encouraged to play sports and not asked to do the dishes or babysit.  

Gender equity is not just about women working outside the home or receiving a fair wage.  It’s more than the right to vote or equal access to schools and occupations.  It’s about gender roles and what is perceived as masculine and feminine.  

Black Panther was one of the 2018 movies on which someone wanted to hear me preach.  Black Panther is one of the many movies is the Marvel series of superhero movies that includes Spiderman, Thor, the Hulk, and Ironman.  This movie, when it came out, got a lot of hype because almost the whole cast is black, almost everyone behind the scenes is black, and it was a mainstream movie, one of the Marvel superhero movies, that has been so popular and has made so much money.  

The movie is about the superhero, Black Panther, who comes from a place called Wakanda.  Wakanda is a place in Africa that is hidden.  It is very technologically advanced.  They keep to themselves for the most part and they live in peace and harmony.  One of the main themes of the movie is helping your neighbour, stepping outside your cozy, safe environment, and risking the toppling of tradition and risking change by going beyond and helping to change the world.  It’s actually a powerful message for the church. 

Today though I’m highlighting the women in this movie.  Very few superhero movies have such strong and powerful women,

especially women who aren’t white.  They are all from Wakanda, and although I don’t like having to define these women by the man in their lives, this man happens to be the main character of the movie.  His name is T’Challa.   They are:

• Nakia is T’Challa’s love interest.  T’Challa wants Nakia to be his queen, but she wants to help the disadvantaged outside of Wakanda, and she can’t do that if Wakanda refuses to help.
• Shuri is T’Challa’s sister.  She is the scientist of the show.
• Okoye is general of the Wakanda army.  She is a warrior and sits on council, giving advice to the king.

Do we have women like this in our bibles?  Do we have women in our stories of faith who express strength and resourcefulness?  We do but you have to dig deep.  They often get passed over and forgotten.  Sometimes their story is even changed over time and made tamer and more gentle.

The first story we heard this morning, that Rachel read for us, is the story of Deborah.  Deborah is one of 12 judges in the bible.  Between the time of Moses and Joshua and the time Israel began to have kings, there were judges or leaders.  Deborah was one of twelve and the only female among them.  She is a prophet.  God commands through her.  In this story, she does not lead an army, but the man who does, Barak, refuses to go unless Deborah is with him.  Deborah tells Barak that this battle will not lead to his glory but to the glory of a woman.  You might think at first, that Deborah refers to herself, but there is another woman in this story that saves the day, but I’ll leave that for you to find out.  

The other story we read is one we usually read at Christmas time.  Mary, who gave birth to Jesus, is well known to people of faith.  The character of Mary in our bible sometimes looks differently from the Mary of tradition.  Growing up in the Roman Catholic church, I held a lot of resentment of Mary in my young adult years.  Growing up, Mary always wore blue, she always had her head bowed, she was always described as obedient.  It also became tradition to describe Mary as holy and pure.  We were taught that she never had relations with a man.  Jesus was born of a virgin and never had siblings.  We were also taught of the immaculate conception, in that Mary was born without sin.  

Mary became totally inaccessible to women.  I have read that at first many women gravitated to Mary and even worshipped her, but that the church put a stop to this really fast.  Mary became the ideal woman that the church promoted: pure, virginal, subservient, and obedient, but this is not the Mary we read in our gospels.  God chose Mary to bear a son, Mary, who was young, unmarried, who could potentially be ostracized by her community, who’s engagement to Joseph was put in jeopardy.  I believe God would have chosen a strong and resourceful woman for this task.  In the passage Bert read for us, we read Mary’s song of praise and her passion for justice among the lowly and oppressed and her expectation that God would bring the powerful down from their thrones.  These are powerful and even treasonous words spoken by a strong and mighty woman. 

We all have stories in our lives of people who broke gender stereotypes.  Take a few minutes to remember a story of a strong and mighty woman in your life or maybe a nurturing and gentle man, someone that seemed to break through the gender roles put in place by our society.  Share the story with a friend.  Let's share more of these stories, and help make is possible for little girls and little boys to truly grow up to be whatever they want to be.  

From sermon preached on May 5, 2019.