What If They Do Not Believe In Me or Even Listen To Me?

Have you ever felt like you're not being taken seriously when you talk or that they're not really listening to you?  Sometimes it's so subtle that it's difficult to pinpoint.  I have felt this often.  I wonder, is it because I'm a woman, because I'm perceived as young?  Maybe it's because I'm an introvert and quiet.  It could even be my small stature.  It's difficult to know.  When I've shared this with others, a few completely understand but many will look at me in a confused way and question whether this is actually happening.  Then I begin to wonder whether it's just my own insecurity.

I read a quote in the bible recently that resonated with me.  Moses asked, "But what if they do not believe me or even listen to me?  What if they say, God has not appeared to you!'?"

In the second book of the bible, called Exodus, the Hebrew people are slaves in Egypt.  God hears their cry and tells Moses that he will be the one to save his people.  Moses, even though he was in front of a bush on fire that was not burning, and hearing a voice come from that bush, pushed back.  Him?  Save people enslaved to Pharaoh, the most powerful person in the land?  Him who ran away at the first sign of danger?  Him, who had been adopted by Pharaoh's daughter and had actually lived in luxury while his own race lived as slaves?

His first words upon being called by this voice were, "Here I am," but once he found out what this voice wanted, he clearly doubted what was being asked of him.  He wondered if people would believe him and would question his qualifications.  I wonder, as someone who was adopted, whether he had ever truly fit into the royal family and if he was treated as an equal.  He must have felt like an outsider both in the Egyptian household in which he was raised and to his birth family and race, to whose experiences and struggle he would not have been able to relate.

We all hold doubt and question our own talents and wonder if we're good enough.  But there are other times when we're put into positions of having to defend our own gifts.  There are times when I am interrupted in conversations, when my thoughts and ideas are dismissed, and when I'm not given the space to share my opinion.  I usually end up frustrated and feeling unheard and unvalued.

When I was a minister in Saskatchewan, the conference had a policy called, "Holy Manners."  These were lifted up at meetings and gatherings.  I have included them below.  They are a list of gentle reminders as to how we are to be with one another.  Sometimes it's these gentle reminders that help make us aware of how we relate with other people, no matter their age, race, gender, experience, etc.

When you gather with others, do you feel heard and valued?  Do you feel you were given the space to share your thoughts and opinions?  Do you feel you are listening to others and giving them space and respect for differing opinions.  How we relate to one another can make all the difference in how people are welcomed and included and how they experience compassion and love in the world.  As a person who follows Christ, this is very important to me.  Jesus always welcomed the outsider and ate at table with those that others excluded.  Loving our neighbour is not easy.  Loving the stranger can be even more difficult, but we are called to journey with each other and with the Spirit as we work towards bringing God's kingdom to earth.  May it be so.

Holy Manners

Preamble

Our holy manners create an environment where we are freed and empowered

To take risks

To think creatively

To be fully ourselves

knowing that we are valued, loved and upheld in community.

Statement of Holy Manners

     We commit ourselves and will hold each other accountable to:

1. Keep God at the centre of everything we do;

2. Respect the worth of each individual; 

3. Affirm people's right to hold and express differing opinions, assume best intentions, listen carefully to each other, without interrupting;

4. Strive for equal opportunity and encouragement of participation of all;

5. Affirm the wisdom of silence, pausing from time to time to ponder what others have said and to discern the Spirit's movement;

6. Seek to understand what others are saying;

7. Be open to new ideas;

8. Respect the confidentiality of individual members and their stories; 

9. Uphold and honour decisions that have been made;

10.  Keep life in perspective by preserving a sense of humour; and 

11.  Hold one another in prayer.

Why Do We Ask Forgiveness If We Are Already Forgiven?

The second of four sermons picked "out of a hat," suggestions offered by the congregation.  This topic, "Why do we ask forgiveness if we are already forgiven?" was based on two scripture passages: Psalm 25: 1, 6-12, 16-18 and Mark 1:4-12.  It was delivered on July 30, 2017.

There was an incident recently where one of my sons was under a lot of stress and sometimes when this son is under a lot of stress, he gets stubborn and surly, and can be very short tempered and even mean.  He got like this with me recently, and I was very upset and he knew it.  Later, he came and apologized, but he said it grudgingly.  I asked him why he was apologizing if he didn’t really mean it.  He said he just wanted to move past it, smooth the waters, and make me not angry anymore.  I told him that’s not how it works.  Of course, this upset him all over again.  He didn’t really feel he should apologize but he felt I should just accept the apology and move on.  Again, I said, that’s not how it works.

Eventually we talked it through and I did receive a genuine apology and regret for his actions.  Being his mom, I would have forgiven him eventually, even if he hadn’t asked.  He’s my son and I love him unconditionally.  As a mom though, I also needed him to understand that asking forgiveness is more than just about smoothing over the waters, putting an incident into the past, and forgetting about it.  I needed him to learn that to apologize should mean much more.

I learned a few years ago, on a United Church national committee, how political apologies can be.  We were discussing pregnant teenagers who had been secreted away to have their baby, sometimes in church-run centres, and sometimes, manipulated into giving up those babies.  An organization, supporting these women, was now looking for an apology. 

When one apologizes, they are admitting to wrongdoing and this, for an organization or government, probably means paying out lots of money for reparation, which sometimes becomes the main concern between organizations and lawyers.  Although these monetary reparations can be helpful to repair damage, for those receiving the apology, it can be the least important part.  It's more about hearing that there has been a wrong, that there is understanding around the amount of pain and suffering that was created by this wrong, and most significantly, how will things change moving forward.  When my son was mean to me, did he understand what he had done was wrong?  Did he understand the pain and the hurt feelings he had caused?  Most importantly, would this behaviour change in the future or how might he handle his stress in a different way next time?  If all of this is never addressed, the wrongdoing and the pain will occur again, just in different ways, and we will go around in circles, and the wrong and pain will continue into other relationships.

 When the United Church offered their first apology to the First Nations people back in 1986, it was acknowledged with a hope that “the Apology is not symbolic but that these are the words of action and sincerity.”  Another further apology was offered in 1998, specifically apologizing for our role in the residential school system.  The United Church has put a lot of work into its relationship with aboriginal people and there is still a lot of work to be done but the hurt and the suffering have been acknowledged and it is now our responsibility to keep an open mind and listen to those who have been hurt.  It’s up to them as to how we will move forward.  Some day, we hope, they may accept our apology as sincere and genuine because of our actions and our relationship.

The question that I pulled out of the box a couple of weeks ago was, “If we are already forgiven by God, why do we have to ask forgiveness?”  It’s a profound question.  In the Catholic Church, the act of asking forgiveness of God is a sacrament and is usually required before taking other sacraments in church, like communion, marriage, and being anointed before death.  It’s a way of making ourselves clean before God. 

Many Protestants and many Catholics nowadays dismiss the obligation to go before a priest and confess ones sins.  Most see it as another antiquated requirement that has no meaning.  Most dismiss the idea that it is a sin not to go to confession.  Mostly I would agree.  I went to confession as a child and it mostly felt uncomfortable.  It felt like I was making up something to tell the priest and it felt strange that I was automatically forgiven after I said a few “Hail Marys” and an “Our Father.”  It didn’t feel genuine and sincere.

I do believe though that there is value in confession and that this time of confession can be considered a holy moment, or an “outward and visible sign of the divine,” which is how we define a sacrament.  Unburdening oneself by telling another, a priest, a friend, or a counselor, of past regrets, bad choices or decisions made, or one’s harsh treatment of another might be what helps one to move beyond all of it.  It might be the one time when someone listens without judgment, when we can talk to someone impartial.  It might be a relief to hear that you are forgiven and that God loves you, no matter what.

The 25th psalm is attributed to David.  David is one of the heroes in the bible but he made some very bad choices.  Read the second book of Samuel, chapter 11 to hear how he took advantage of a woman and killed her husband.  This psalm is the expression of one who is looking for forgiveness and assurance that God is still by his or her side.  Remember that psalms are like poems that put into words what is deep in one’s soul.  Sometimes we cry out for mercy, sometimes we cry for justice or maybe vengeance, and sometimes we thank God and cry out with joy. 

I can imagine David in this psalm, just after he is called out for his misbehaviour, his sin.  David reminds God of God’s steadfast love, he asks God not to remember the sins of his youth, and he asks God to pardon his guilt.  The 18th verse reads, “Relieve the troubles of my heart, and bring me out of my distress.  Consider my affliction and my trouble, and forgive all my sins.”  I can imagine David confessing, opening his heart, his mind, and his soul to the universe, to the divine, and, even if he doesn’t get an answer, this act of confession bringing relief and release.  But is that the only reason to confess, to make one’s self feel better?

The gospel story from Mark is usually heard on the Sunday we celebrate Jesus’ baptism, typically the second Sunday of January.  In this story, we read of John the Baptist “proclaiming a baptism of repentance for the forgiveness of sins. And people from the whole Judean countryside and all the people of Jerusalem were going out to him, and were baptized by him in the river Jordan, confessing their sins.” (Mark 1:4-5)

After confessing their sins, John baptizes them to symbolize their new life.  Their old selves are washed clean of past hurts, regrets, wrongs, and they are being put back into the world, forgiven and ready to turn around - which is what it means to repent - to turn around, to transform, to turn from old ways and old ways of being.  Think of the significance of this for Jesus.  The gospels tell us he was about 30 years old when he began his ministry, when he came to the River Jordan to be baptized by John.  He had lived a very full life already, possibly with some regrets, possibly carrying some guilt.  We are told he was fully divine as well as fully human.  We are told he was a follower of John for a time.  Maybe this moment was one of transformation for him, a moment so significant that the heavens opened up, a dove descended and he heard a voice proclaiming, “This is my beloved with whom I am well-pleased.”  Can you imagine the power of those words after confessing and being made clean, ready to begin a new life.  Maybe this marked the moment that Jesus turned from his prior life and into a new one, one of teaching, healing, and forgiving.

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            How does our own confession of sins change us?  How do we repent, turn from our old lives into something new?

            I’m listening to and reading a lot from Pete Rollins, a philosopher from Ireland.  I mentioned some of his thoughts around eternal life in the "Vampire & Saints" post .  In reading from his most recent book, “The Divine Magician,” I read some of his thoughts on forgiveness.  Rollins writes that, “Forgiveness means wiping something out.  In contrast to the religious reading of forgiveness as a payment of some debt, forgiveness actually refers to the clearing of the slate: a removal of debt.  To forgive a debt does not mean that the debt is paid back, but rather that it is rendered void."

            When we confess our sins, when we seek forgiveness, it’s not about whether we deserve forgiveness.  We are not asking what we can do before we can be forgiven.  We are not seeking to make a payment, to clear some debt that we owe.  To be forgiven is to have the slate cleaned.  To be forgiven is to start anew.  To be forgiven is a gift, free of obligations.  Forgiveness should never come with conditions. 

Most of us have heard the oft-quoted words from Jesus that we do not forgive seven times, but seventy-seven times, which for many of us would be unreasonable.  Sometimes it’s our anger and pride that get in the way, but sometimes it’s our own self-worth that tells us that enough is enough.  But this isn’t the case with God.  We are always forgiven, seven times, seventy-seven times, seven million times.  And we may not deserve it, but that’s not why we’re forgiven.  It’s because we are loved and loved unconditionally.  It’s because we are children of God, unique creations of the Creator, each beloved and with whom God is well-pleased. 

            We ask forgiveness for our own sake and for the sake of others.  We ask forgiveness to unburden ourselves, to speak our truth, to find assurance that we are still loved and still worthy of love.  Confessing also helps us to move on to repentance, to turn over a new leaf and to start anew.  We ask forgiveness so that others feel heard and understood, to acknowledge their pain and their hurt, and to offer them hope that our actions will change and show the sincerity in our words.

            This is why we ask forgiveness.  And we ask forgiveness of God, because, like a loving parent, we know that we will always be granted this forgiveness.  We know that we are loved, no matter our past mistakes or bad choices.  God’s Spirit is always with us, encouraging us to love and serve our neighbour, comforting us in times of pain and distress, pushing us to confess and tell our story, and gently reminding us that we are loved always and unconditionally.  Thanks be to God.  Amen.

Those "Other" Churches

On Thursday, I met with three people over breakfast.  They were all from churches in Oakville but all different denominations: Christian Reformed Church (CRC), Pentecostal, and Anglican.  Myself and one other were from the United Church.  We were all there as people who work with children, youth, and families in our churches.

It's not often that I have a chance to rub shoulders with people from other denominations.  Mostly, we tend to stick to our own "kind."  The unfortunate fact is that most churches view other churches with suspicion.  When it comes to other churches within one denomination, there is some cooperation, but there is also competitiveness, mostly around the numbers of people, numbers of children, financial successes, etc.  When it comes to working with other denominations (other Christian churches that are not part of the United Church), we tend to get suspicious about their theology and structure.  The minister's qualifications are questioned, political suspicions are aroused around a denomination being conservative, liberal, or progressive, and theology is highly under suspicion when it comes to how the bible is read, how the death of Jesus is interpreted, how we evangelize and do mission, and how we talk about God.

All this being said, when I sat around that table, with people from denominations very different from my own, it felt like we all had the same common goals.  In talking about our children's programs, we all wanted to provide a safe and inclusive space for children where they can feel loved and accepted, teach them about Jesus and how we are the hands and feet of Christ to the world, and to let them know that God loves them no matter what.  When it comes right down to it, I think this is what all Christians want to do.

When we work together, we can learn from one another.  The United Church tends to be a church that focuses on the mind.  We want our ministers to have MDivs, we want strong preaching and bible studies, and we tend to be highly attuned to words, interpretation, exegesis, and hermeneutics.  I think this might be true of many mainline denominations (Presbyterian, Methodist, etc.)  I think we also tend to focus on the life of Jesus, rather than his death and resurrection.

Other churches that are more pentecostal or evangelical, tend to focus on the heart. Rituals, music, and small groups tend to be inspirational and moving.  There is less focus what is being said than in how it is said, how it can move you and inspire you.  These churches focus on how the death of Jesus affects people and the power behind his sacrifice on the cross.

These are generalizations, of course, but I have heard people who attend mainline denominations criticize it's traditionalist worship and hymns and preaching that seemed designed to instil boredom and from others attending more pentecostal churches that the preaching doesn't go deep enough or they are only hearing concepts that focus on the individual's own salvation and Jesus' death rather than his ministry.

How might we be stronger and inspire more people if we were focusing on both the mind and the heart?  What change might occur if there were more sharing and more cooperation between denominations?

Jesus said, "Truly I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child will not enter it at all." (Mark 10:15) Maybe we need to start listening to those people who work with our children.  How might the church look if we paid more attention to our young people and those who work with them?  In my own experience in the United Church, it's the children's workers who are the first to go when finances get tight, and the last to be heard when making changes and visioning a future.

I am looking forward to doing more work with people from other churches in Oakville.  I have a vision of more partnership between churches, more cooperation in our programs, more sharing in what we do.  Maybe, in our work with the children of Oakville, we can bring a little of the kingdom of God to the here and now.

Deborah Who?

In my bible reading this week, I came across a verse that stuck with me throughout the day.  From the 35th chapter of Genesis, verse 8: And that's when Rebekah's nurse, Deborah, died.  She was buried just below Bethel under the oak tree.  It was named Allon-Bacuth (Weeping Oak).

This verse is set in a chapter about the journey of Jacob, one of Rebekah's twin sons.  Before this, Deborah had not been mentioned and she is never mentioned again.  It felt like a verse that was put into the story later.  Someone felt this death was important and not to be missed.  But why?  Who was she? Why is there so little about her?

There is some speculation that this is the same person in chapter 24 of Genesis, when Rebekah is chosen as a bride for Isaac and leaves home "with her nurse."  Just a verse later it describes Rebecca with her "young maids," so whether this was Rebekah's childhood nurse or someone chosen to nurse Rebekah's children, I don't know.

When reading about the women of the bible, one does a lot of speculating and guessing.  Most of the time the women are left out of the narrative, forgotten, and sometimes even unnamed.  The fact that this nurse was named and had her death and burial recorded must mean she was very important or at least seen as valuable to Jacob and his family.  In many cultures, children valued their nurses more than their mothers, as nurses were the ones who nurtured and cared for the children of women with some status.  In some ways, women of import were seen as above the role of caregiver of their children.  Thus we know exactly when Isaac, Jacob’s father, died and how old he was and where they buried him, but we have no idea when Jacob’s mother, Rebecca, died or whether her family grieved her loss.

Rosie the Riveter is an image used to promote feminism; it's an image of a woman I didn't even now had a name until recently.  Did you know she is based on an actual person?  It wasn't until recently that she was identified. Well, actually misidentified and then identified.  Read the story here.

This Halloween, a young person from church decided she wanted to dress up as Rosie the Riveter for Halloween.  I thought it was wonderful to choose such a strong female image.  Unfortunately, at a weekend Halloween event, her peers had no idea who she was, which was disappointing and discouraging to this young person.  Luckily, she has a mom who encouraged her daughter to continue wearing the costume for other Halloween events.  Hopefully, a few more people learned about this iconic figure.

Finding strong, independent female images can be challenging.  Princesses abound in our culture.  The bible is filled with strong, male characters, heroes and villains, kings and shepherds, and women are usually the supporting roles.  Even God is mostly described with male imagery.  It can be difficult to find female characters in the bible to whom we connect.  Rebekah was one strong character, who unfortunately used deceit to promote her favourite son and then disappears from the story.  It's Deborah, the well-loved nurse, who is remembered, but even she is only given one verse in the bible, relating to her death.  It's no wonder that Mary, the mother of Jesus, became such a well loved and even a worshipped figure as there were very few female images from which to choose.

This is probably one of the most difficult aspects of the bible for me.  It was written by men, for men, during a time when women were considered property and had little to no say in their own lives and in the world around them.  Highlighting female characters is thus very important to me.  I hold onto female images of the divine, like the images from Jesus of the mother hen in the gospel of Matthew or the woman who lost and found a coin in Luke's gospel.  There are images of God in Isaiah as a mother who cares for her child or the God who gives birth.  One of my favourite images is from Proverbs, the only female personification of God in the bible.  Wisdom is her name or in Greek, Sophia.  (Notice the title of my blog.)  Asserting these images in a world that is filled with male images of God is important and valuable if we want our young people to experience God as a vast mystery with many images and symbols, not just that of Father.

**If you listen to podcasts, the Liturgists have an excellent episode called, "God as Mother."  It will challenge you on how you name God.