The Itch

Recently I signed up for a daily reading of the writings of C.S. Lewis.  I have never read any of the works of Lewis, except for "The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe," but I know many people who love his writing, so I decided that I needed to experience some of it.  Although his theology doesn't always match mine, he has a beautiful way of writing, making complex ideas simple.

Recently I read the following passage, which is from "Perelandra," which is the second book of a space trilogy that Lewis wrote.

"He had always disliked the people who encored a favourite air in the opera - "That just spoils it" had been his comment.  But this now appeared to him as a principle of far wider application and deeper moment.  This itch to have things over again, as if life were a film that could be unrolled twice or even made to work backwards...was it possibly the root of all evil?  No: of course the love of money was called that.  But money itself-perhaps one valued it chiefly as a defence against chance, a security for being able to have things over again, a means of arresting the unrolling of the film."

We are creatures of habit.  We like security and stability.  We like to know we have a regular paycheque, a home to land, three meals a day, and family and friends to be our companions on the way.  I think C.S. Lewis goes one step further in this story though, to say that many like to repeat the best parts of their lives.  They want things to be the same and they are afraid to risk new ideas, as it will take away that security of knowing, knowing what's coming, knowing how it's always been done and what has always worked, even if maybe it's not working so well or maybe not working for as many.

If we could "encore" the best moments of our life, go back and repeat those times, would we "spoil" them?  Would we appreciate those moments as much the second time?  Maybe our memories of those moments have become more perfect than what they really were.  Our experiences change us.  We are never the same person.  As we change, and the world changes around us, it doesn't make sense to go backwards expecting the same.  It will all be different.

When I experience at itch to have things over again, I hesitate.  Why am I longing for a moment in the past?  Is there something missing in my present?  Am I grieving a change in my current circumstances?  Am I unhappy with how things are moving forward?  Am I able to embrace what's coming or do I need to bow out gracefully?  I don't believe in change for the sake of change or always throwing out the old in favour of the new, but I also don't think we can go back or live in the past.  I guess I'm advocating for living in the present.

May you appreciate your past experiences without wanting to relive them.  May you have the strength and courage to move forward into the unknown future.  May you live for today and live in the moment.  Amen.